“We need a new word for Feminism. Maybe the Clitterati?”

This is my profile piece on author Kathy Lette for my Magazine Journalism unit. She came to our Uni, was awarded an Honoury Doctarate and was so so kind as to stay behind and chit chat to us and answer our questions.

Grey. It’s the only word to describe not only today and the typical weather that accompanies any October in England, it also perfectly describes the room I am waiting in. Row upon row of chairs march their way up the back of the hall and while stationary at the bottom of this tower I find it’s terribly intimidating. Like a large rain cloud has slyly slipped past the ajar door and is in front of me in the most threatening position imaginable. The room is buzzing with a monotonous drone, and I decide instantly I want to sit at the top of the chairs, at the back, a little bit closer to the lights; the sort you always get in classrooms. Embedded in the ceiling, large rectangles of artificial lighting are the only source to keep this room lit since there are a severe lack of windows. At the top of the tower of chairs I feel like a bird, flying in the sky and observing all the antics below me. To my right at the front of the stage are the eager beavers, the Writing Contemporary Fiction students who can’t contain their excitement. They’re acting like vultures waiting to gnaw their prey to pieces. But then she enters, and instantly the room lights up as if a builder has knocked through 20 windows in a split second. Half of this light is due to the unruly contrast between the blandness of the room and the woman’s clothing. A pink leopard print skirt suit (“I like the gay leopard look”) just screams confidence, but not in an aggressive way. The suit accompanies red high heels and a red bag covered in what appears to be blow-up hearts: “Isn’t it just like Jordan’s boobs,” she jokes. On top of this fabulous outfit is a red graduation gown, and to accessorise a huge smile that lets us all know this woman has achieved something amazing and it’s a welcome shock to her. The room I found so intimidating before is suddenly transformed into a welcoming place, a friendly sanctuary where this one woman show will perform and entertain me. The monotonous drone turns into excited chatter. I feel relaxed and excited with everyone else, the first word she speaks has me laughing and I know it will certainly be an outrageous few hours. This is the Kathy Lette effect. The Australian author has today been awarded an honorary degree by Southampton Solent university for Doctor of Arts and she couldn’t be more excited about it. “Leaving school at 15 and getting a honorary doctorate is amazing and I say that having kissed Mick Jagger. Tomorrow night I’m having a huge school disco themed party to celebrate. It’s just so surprising when the only test I’ve ever passed is my cervical.” Kathy Lette is a woman brimming with confidence, comedy and innuendos as well as advice. “Laugh yourself into a coma. If you can’t laugh your stuck because just look at what nature throws at you. Hormones are all over the place in your teenage years, then you get pregnant which is the one test you can’t cheat on. You go through childbirth which is unbearable and then the menopause. And when you think it’s all over, you grow a beard.” For this woman honesty is the best policy. And revenge is best served cold. “If you just want something subtle then slip Nair hair remover into his shampoo. My favourite was when me and my girlfriend slipped into an ex’s house. We took down his curtain pole and stuffed it with prawns. The man moved house and of course he took the curtain pole with him!” Kathy is a strong feminist, she is all for girl power and at least twice during the day refers to her girlfriends as her wonder bras. What is more important though out of friendship, work or love? “You missed out orgasm.” Despite all the sexual references that leave me blushing just a little bit I instantly see this is one woman who is desperately passionate about women’s rights. “The reason I am a feminist is because women still get 25% less pay than men. We are still getting concussion hitting our heads on the glass ceiling and we’re meant to clean it while we’re up there. Don‘t be turned off by the F word.” As for her opinion on men? “Can you imagine any man not being able to multi-task when it comes to, say, an orgy?” Kathy Lette grew up in Australia and at 19 she wrote her first book Puberty Blues which was made into a film two years later in 1981. Nine novels have since been published, the woman practically created Chick Lit. Plays have been written as have TV shows. She talks of her time as a television sitcom writer for Columbia Pictures in Los Angeles (“I was part of a team writing sitcoms and everyone else was so Jewish, I simply felt guilty for not being Jewish”) with a tinge of regret. While there she turned down the gorgeous George Clooney, later noticing him on the television show ER. “When I realised what I’d done I laid in the foetal position in the corner of the room for two days.” Not that she isn’t pleased with her lot. Kathy now lives in London with two children and her husband, human rights lawyer Geoffrey Robertson: “I can never get any moral ground on him,” she jokes. Her honesty about all matters of life expands onto motherhood which she simply calls “boring.” This woman is completely demystified about being a mother and claims everyone else should be too. “There are a few things you should know about motherhood,” she tells us with a hint of a smile. “When you’re on that operating table one thing is certain. The gender of God is definitely male. When you hold your child the first thing you want to do is put them straight back into the condom vending machine.” Her children have now turned into teenagers, she leans forward and almost whispers “It’s like living with the Taliban.” To begin with I picture the typical nightmarish 15 year old, then the roles are reversed. “I’m not allowed to sing, dance or wear short skirts.” Kathy is the only unruly teenager in her house. Although she jokes about her family it feels like she is hiding something. She’s happy to reveal the antics her and her girlfriends get up to, but it almost seems like she is keeping her family to herself. “You should always keep a little bit of your own identity.” How does this woman feel about writing though, the majority of people can’t stand their jobs. “It’s great. I get to wear my pyjamas all day, drink on the job and have affairs in the name of research.” Kathy is enthusiastic about the eager beaver writers in the front row. “Fight back and stick up for your talent. Take criticism but know when your work is good. You only need two things to be a writer. Something to say and a unique way to say it.” With the promise she will work closely with Southampton Solent university from this moment on Kathy Lette is ready to leave. It has been a tiring day and this amazing character has left us all breathless with her energy and enthusiasm. Any last snippets of advice from the fabulously funny author? “Disarm with charm, then slip your message in. And always remember wordplay is foreplay. I mean how the hell is Woody Allen still getting laid!?”