eclectic: where were the childhood butterflies?

Two years ago I had the best Christmas anybody could wish for. I spent Christmas eve at a Chinese restaurant in Gravesend, a place I seldom visit. This was a spontaneous meal on my behalf, my best friend amber simply rang me and 20 minutes later I was on the A2 to the town next door. We then ventured to the pub, being just 17 there was the thrill that I miss about being underage, and strangely everyone I knew from the seldom visited place were congregating in this pub. It was surprisingly fun considering I was with ambers mother and her fellow mum friends. Afterwards we ended in our local town, we didn’t go with everyone else to the only nightclub around because we didn’t have any ID, instead we stayed put to see familiar faces and have a slightly tipsy good time. I was sad not to be in bed by 12, however when I finally arrived home the parents were up and awaiting my homecoming. I woke at half seven as per usual Christmas morning and merely enjoyed a splendid Christmas day filled with laughter, presents, food and family. It was my favourite day ever.

Last year was a slight let down, I presumed this was a one off. But this year had the same feeling, an ordinary feeling; I miss the magic of Christmas. I don’t get a squirmy stomach anymore, I don’t eat too much I feel a little nauseous, I don’t feel like electricity is passing through my veins. I was distressed, imagining this may just be a problem that comes with age, I might not feel the same until I have my own kids to spoil and lie to about Santa. But I’m beginning to think the magic of Christmas is slipping out of reach of, not just myself, but everyone. This year, the petrol station closest to me was open. A small factor to affect ones whole day, but it really provoked my emotions. How, after 2000 years since the birth of Christ and a closure of petrol stations on the 25th of December, can there suddenly be a need for one on this, the holiest of days? Its ridiculous. I sound like a middle aged man, maybe, but how comes every year the shops stay open later after letting people in earlier? Is there a need for boxing day to be the beginning of the sales? If I, a crazy shopoholic, can wait an extra day surely every-bloody-one else can!?

I am not Christian. I’m not religious. Once upon a time Christmas was a time for church going and prayer, but not anymore. The day, like many things in life, may have become just a little bit secular over the years. Yes, many children believe Christmas is purely based around present receiving, and this is a tragedy. Although I am not religious I will never falter in my complete belief in Christmas, even if I have lost my cheer. The day brings families together, however dysfunctional they all may be, it is a day similar to thanks-giving in the states. The one day of the year people will not question why you are buying them a gift. Sadly, I am but a poor student who had to hand make presents this year. But I loved it, and everyone on the receiving end also appreciated my hard work. Maybe even more than a bought present. I love the giving part of Christmas, the talking, the board games and the family.

I’m never one to complain too heavily about our consumerist society. Studying fashion doesn’t help because however beautiful, inspiring, creative etc.etc. the fashion industry may be, it is and always will be a business. My future career is practically based around consumerism. But why does this have to merge onto Christmas!? For Pete’s sake, Christmas IS a time for giving nevertheless it doesn’t matter how much the item cost, how glitzy it is. Is it what that person will appreciate and love and use? My aunt used to anger me when, every year, she would buy me presents from Primark. Not because it was before Primark was nice, no it was because she hadn’t thought about what I like, what I would want, what would make me remember it for all the right reasons!

One day, I truly hope, I will wake up on my own accord for Christmas once more. I wish I will feel fuzzy and warm and happy. Happy for nothing more than the fact it is purely Christmas day.